Néw Rules:Communicate

It had been two weeks since my rooftop Bridgerton moment. Tadeu had returned to Kentucky and I hadn’t heard from him since. Whatever the reasoning we had both opted to deal with this like any mature adult would; by ignoring it ever happened. Truth be told I hadn’t given it much thought as I turned my focus to myself because my friends were right. I needed to take this time to focus on myself, whatever that meant. I took that to mean focus on school and work. Classes at the University of the District of Columbia were picking up pace as we thundered through the spring semester and the pace at work was following suit as we prepared for the ‘summer rush’, the period from about May to August where we see an uptick in traffic as people are conducting Permanent Changes of Station (PCS) to and from the area.  Though I was laser focused, we all know that we are all our own worst enemies right?
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Feeling particularly curious late one Sunday evening (perhaps boosted by the mimosas consumed earlier that day) I decided to message Wade to get answers.

“Hey!!! Long time! How’ve you been?” I typed. I wanted to tostart the conversation energetically in case there were feelings that I had been avoiding him for any reason. To my surprise he responded much quicker than I thought.

“Hey! Yeah it has. I’ve been good. Just working. I’ve been wondering what happened to you,” came his swift response. To the point. I like it.

“So….I have been here wondering the same thing. Did I do something wrong?” I asked quickly.

“Not at all. Maybe we can meet up and talk about it more?” he asked.

“This isn’t you shooting your shot to get me on a date is it?” I asked grinning.

“That depends…are you saying yes?” came his sly response.

“Yes. I have the perfect place. This darling little steakhouse over in DuPont. Let’s say Thursday at 8?” I responded.

“So I love the effort…don’t get me wrong but you totally hijacked my asking you out,” he said. I laughed and another message came through.
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“I’ll see you Thursday at 8, but can I call you now?” he asked. I dialed his number and we had a very pleasant hour long conversation that answered so many unanswered questions. After we were done I hugged the phone to my chest and squealed inciting my dog to tilt her head at me curiously.

“Oh don’t give me that Naga! Someone had to put their pride aside and make the first move!” I said. She sighed and laid back down on her memory foam bed dismissively.
 
The next day after work I was anxious to share the news with Nicole.

“Girl guess who I talked to last night,” I asked as soon as she answered the phone.

“Who?” she responded instantly ready for tea.

‘Wade” I answered. There was a slight pause. “Well don’t sound too excited!” I added.

“Sorry girl. Wade as in guy you haven’t heard from in weeks?” she asked pointedly.

“Yes. That one. Apparently, there was just a huge misunderstanding. He thought I wasn’t into him because of how I was at the first coffee date,” I said.

“Wait what? How were you acting?” she asked confused.

“Well. He said I seemed distracted and distant and you know looking back I will give that to him. It was my lunch break while I was teleworking. It was my first time leaving my house to get food on a telework day. I was SO paranoid I was going to get in trouble for leaving. Girl you should’ve seen me in there looking like a crackhead checking the time every 5 seconds,” I explained. She laughed.

“Why didn’t you just meet him after work girl?” came her question of reason.

“Well because we had already agreed and I didn’t think it would take me that long to train over to him. I underestimated DC on that one,” I said laughing.

“Well that’s good you guys cleared that up,” she said.

“Oh wait that’s not all. I asked him on a date,” I said smiling.

“Shut up! When?”

“Thursday. There’s this super fantastic steakhouse I want to take him to,” I said happily.

“That’s so great! I’m happy for you girl!” she said sounding genuine.

“Thanks!” I replied.

“Just don’t go expecting too much too soon,” she said ever the voice of reason.

“Yes I know, I know. I need to take time to heal and blah. I think you guys are overestimating what that means for me. I’m fine,” I replied defensively knowing she was right.

“Or you’re underestimating…so what else did he say?” she asked.
 
The next few days dragged on. The mundane comings and going weren’t enough for me to get Nicole’s warning out of my head. Was I moving too fast? Was there something to be gained from waiting and not engaging in the push and pull of dating in DC? How would I even know when I was ready to start dating? Would there be a sign to make me confident in myself? If I was to wait what would I even be waiting for? To heal from a one sided marriage that I was no longer emotionally invested in because it had drained every drop of emotion from my body? I spent so much time over the next few days thinking how it wasn’t fair that he got to live his best life with a boyfriend and amazing pets and friends and a great gay life while I had to “take time to heal”. It was absolute bullshit! I should be allowed to date and move on at my own pace! The best way to get over a man is to get over a new one…right?

It was now the day of my date. On my lunchbreak I went outside to the courtyard where I got service so I could call my friend Felix on Facebook Video over in Germany for some emergency advice.

“Hey love. Do you think I’m moving too fast?” I asked him once the call connected.

“Hey. What with that guy Wade?” he asked. I nodded.
“Do you like him? I mean really. Like him enough that you won’t let your past stop you from really getting to know him?” he asked. That’s what I needed to hear. The question I had been dancing around for days. 

“So I think so. You know Jean and I have not been a thing for years. Like even before we were married. That was 5 years ago and yet somehow the weight of that is still with me. I’m not sure how he was able to move on. Maybe he just didn’t care the way I did?” I asked feeling miserable.

“I know safada, but look what happened to you and Tyrone. You had not healed from Jean and you went into things with him and you broke that man’s heart!” he said matter of factly. Tyrone was the first actual relationship I had been in while in DC and since we had ended it was also the first relationship I try hard to talk about. The heartache from that is unbearable at times.

”Yeah…and my own,” I said quietly.

“Exactly! I just want you to be sure you are sure before you do that to yourself or someone else because Wade seems nice,” Felix said.

“Look I get that Felix I do. It’s different this time. I just…I just want to go into this and have this one thing. For me. I want to know love is still out there. That it exists. That I haven’t been jaded to become just another numb gay in the dating pool here in DC,” I said laying all my cards on the table. Felix considered my words for a long time before sighing and smiling.

“I know. You always were the hopeless romantic of us. If you stop believing who’s going to keep us from being flat out loveless whores?” he asked chuckling.

“Wait you mean you’re not already?” I retorted.

“Keep talking all that shit girl! I’ma fuck you up when I see you!” he said laughing. After talking through my lunch break I promised to tell him how it went tomorrow (since he was 6 hours ahead) and I went back to finish my workday.

Before I knew it, it was 8pm. True to my form I was running a few minutes behind. Sprinting from the train station I slowed to a brisk walk as I got closer. He was also running late so I would be able to at least sit and collect myself before he arrived.

“Hola senor. Bienvenidos atras. Solo usted hoy?” asked the waiter who remembered me from the many times I have come here.

“No. Gustaria una mesa por dos por favor,” I said. He raised his brows and grinned.

“A date huh?” he asked. I chuckled.

“Yeah. A first date so we will need the best red you have!” I said moving to the table he showed me to.

It only took a few minutes before Wade walked in the door. We met eyes and he beamed making his way over to me. That smile. Oh that smile was blinding. He was clad in a simple slack/polo combo with a denim jacket over top to cut the still cool DC weather. I stood to hug him and his cologne wafted over me like a soothing emollient. This man was perfect every time I saw him. 

We did small talk while the water grabbed the wine and water (still for him sparkling for me) that we requested as well as the appetizers. Once the wine returned we moved on to more interesting conversation. 

“I have to say I hadn’t thought to be as interested as I am,” he said over his glass of Sauvignon.

“I agree there. After that travesty of a meeting we had with Tyrone,” I said wincing.

“Hey. We made it through though. We made it through. I’m very happy with that,” he answered.

“So. That said, what are we doing here? What are you looking for?” I asked taking a sip of my wine.

“Right to it huh?” he asked smiling.

“Right to it,” I responded leaning forward.

“I like that. Might I say this is a pleasant change from our first meeting too. You seem more…open now. Anyway to answer your question I’m enjoying where we are. You know commitment isn’t something I’m looking to dive into right now. Getting to know you is nice though. I like that we can communicate our intentions and be intentional and honest with one another,” he said eyeing me carefully.

“Hmm. I see. Thank you,” I said as the food arrived.
Once it did arrive we talked and ate and drank until the restaurant closed. It was truly a great date. Not only was the man insanely beautiful but he was smart as well. Our topics ranged from politics, to video gaming, to favorite hobbies, dislikes, likes, travels, and work experiences. Although the water who had sat us kept our wine glasses full he was eventually pressured by his boss to bring our checks as a ‘cut off point’ to jolt us back to reality. Once the dinner was paid for we walked outside. He had hailed an uber as he was going to meet a friend later while I was headed back to the train.

“Well I enjoyed the night. I really did. You did not lie that place was amazing,” he said stopping at the end of the block with the restaurant on it. 

“Really? I couldn’t tell. You still had half your food on your plate!” I responded laughing.

“Hey. That’s because I eat like a bird. The food was good though,” he said defensively.

“Alright! I believe you,” I said smiling. 

After this statement he moved in closer and grabbed my hands. My smile widened as he moved closer. We leaned in for a kiss. Communication is much more than the exchange of words. It is also the passing of a message while ensuring the receiver understands it how it is intended. It’s not enough to speak or show something, following up to make sure it is understood is critical to effective communication. 

From the moment my lips touched his I knew exactly was the communication between us was. The doubts and the fears and frustrations I felt from before, though valid, were as distant memories. His kiss in that brief 3 to 4 second moment communicated to me that he was sincere. His kiss communicated to me that he was present here with and for me. His kiss communicated that whatever our relationship would bloom to be, we would be doing it together. 

“Can I see you next week?” he asked  softly looking up into my eyes. 

“I’d like that,” I said giving my Nala eyes. He smiled as his Uber pulled up to the curb.